


one more dream I cannot make true

by Batboywonder3



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, M/M, breaking up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-31
Updated: 2017-01-31
Packaged: 2018-09-21 05:18:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9533468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Batboywonder3/pseuds/Batboywonder3
Summary: Suga was 15 years old when he met the love of this lifeSuga was 20 years old when he was sworn eternal loveSuga was 25 years old when he understood that sometimes you don’t marry the love of your life





	

**Author's Note:**

> I have no excuse for this 
> 
> Or I do, I saw la la land and the song "City of stars" is doing awful things to me

It isn’t easy to find the love of one’s life, there’s people who literally spend every second of every day trying to find “the one”. Some people die without even knowing if they managed to find it, some others wonder if they had it and they let it slip from their hands. 

There are like a bazillion theories about the love of your life, some say that you know who is that special someone the second you lay your eyes on them, some other say that its when you kiss or hug, even when you have sex with them.

And we’re not talking about that red string of fate thing here, just that moment when someone does something, even the smallest stupidest gesture and your brain goes all

_Oh shit, I’m in love_

For Suga it was a weird mix between many moments, some happy some sad, that made him draw to the conclusion that he was, indeed, in love with his best friend.

They don’t know each other from childhood, Sugawara Koushi lived years of his life without even thinking that someone like Sawamura Daichi existed, someone kind, fearless, funny, caring, handsome. He’s met some incredible people through his life, but not like this, never like this.

Now, Suga knows that his life before Daichi was good, he laughed, cried, learned, he made tons of friends before the boy arrived to his world, but when he found out that Daichi existed, Suga knew there was no turning back.

It is then when Suga understands that his life is divided by this encounter, that there’s a “before Daichi” and a “with Daichi”

And Suga, being the happy teenager he is, actually thinks that he can spend the rest of his days with Daichi, that he never has to let him go.

So yeah, they don’t know each other from childhood but it sure feels that way.

And thats how Suga spends the best days of his life

Volleyball and Daichi

That’s his whole world, and for a teenager who can blame him?

2 years go by before any of them takes the first step, and years later it would be difficult for Suga to even remember who gave that first step, but he thinks it doesn’t really matters.

It starts so innocent, their love.

A glance

(Their eyes meet just before a game starts, a silent promise that “No matter what happens, win or lose, we’ll do it together”)

A smile

(Sometimes it’s a joke, or a pun when Suga is doing the talking, Sometimes they don’t have to be doing anything at all, just walking home side by side, it’s so stupid but it makes Suga feel so damn happy, so he smiles)

A touch

(A hug that lasts a little longer because none of them want to let go, it’s Tanaka’s voice that makes them end it

“Oi Captain, don’t play favorites!” he says but everyone knows that Suga isn’t Daichi’s favorite, he’s his left hand, it’s so much more important)

A kiss

(The first one isn’t even that special and it’s so cliché Suga laughs every time he remembers it. A “study date” that ends up with Daichi sitting too close to Suga and just asking in a whisper “Can I kiss you?” Suga feels dizzy because he nodded a little too excited)

An I love you

(Those aren’t as frequent as one might believe, they just say “I love you” between whispers, between kisses, between words.

Suga never told Daichi but sometimes he was scared to say it, he meant it from the bottom of his heart and wasn’t it scary? That he loves Daichi with every fiber of his body, that he’s giving Daichi so much power over him, of course it scares him)

Koushi sometimes feels like he’s dreaming, “too good to be true” is a phrase that Suga thinks really often. He thinks that he’ll wake up any moment from now, but when he doesn’t, when he looks at Daichi, shouting orders from the other side of the gym, Suga knows this isn’t a dream because not even in his dreams he could have thought to have something so perfect.

Years go by and they grow closer.

Suga and Daichi are young and they think to know everything there is to know about love.

They’re addicts to that adrenaline that comes with loving someone, that feeling when you look at someone’s eyes and you swear you can see the whole universe in their eyes.

Daichi’s eyes hold every secret of the universe, with one look Suga knows everything that he needs to know.

“I’ll always be here, and you’ll be all right”

Its been years since Daichi first looked at him like that and Suga still feels the same excitement as the first time.

He still feels that wonderful “boom boom boom” in his heart, he feels kind of stupid for describing it with just noises like Hinata used to, but there’s no other way to describe the feeling he gets when Daichi whispers sweet nothings underneath their covers late at night.

And when its time to part ways they realize that no matter how far they are from each other, that silly “boom boom boom” stays there, it stays when they have their Skype sessions, it stays every time one of them receives a “good morning” text, it stays in every silly picture they send.

But it isn’t easy.

All of the sudden they’re 20 years old.

They’re 20 and their lives are not together like they thought they would be.

(Not when Suga entered a program to get his degree in another town and Daichi stayed at Tokyo)

It hurts to be apart but they still try to make it work, because even though the distance is there, they are still together, maybe not psychically but they’re still young and they’re still in love.

That’s exactly why love and youth shouldn’t mix together

Its until they’re apart, not only physically but emotionally (Daichi doesn’t answer his texts and Suga is so busy that even Skype dates become an impossible thing) that Suga understands he’s entering a new phase in his life, the one he never thought it would even exist, his life “after Daichi”.

It’s not easy to remember who started the last fight, and really fight? They never fought before.

Well, if you can call that a fight of course, because they’re both tired, they both made an effort to meet half way, in at a shitty train station in the middle of nowhere. At first it had been a good idea, its been 3 months since they last saw each other and they miss the closeness so they agreed that even spending a couple of hours together would be more than fine, but it isn’t.

It isn’t because they don’t have anything to talk about, because their lives stopped fitting in a long time ago, they were just too stubborn to admit it. They are not as young as before, and even thought they still love each other they now understand that love isn’t the ultimate weapon against the world.

And it hurts so bad, Suga feels as if someone was ripping his heart out of his chest.

“What are we going to do?” Koushi asks, his eyes are glued to the floor, he fears that if he dares to look up and see Daichi, he’ll die of sadness. He asks Daichi because even years after, Daichi is still his captain, and Suga will always be there to listen to his captain.

“I don’t know” Daichi’s voice sounds insecure, and Suga just knows that he looks miserable too. It isn’t the first time he hears Daichi sound like that, so small and so scared, but this is the first time Suga can’t do a thing to make it better.

At some point they sat down in some bench, their hands are millimeters from touching but neither of them dares to move, they’re both scared and it feels as if their hands would burn if they touched. Suga had never felt so distanced from Daichi, even when the man was at Tokyo, the distance never felt so huge up until that moment, ah the irony.

There are no words to fix this mess they made, no words to say to make it stop hurting so bad, and they both understand this, so neither Daichi nor Suga try to make this right, because there’s not a way to make this right.

So they just stare at the floor.

What kills Suga is the fact that his relationship isn’t ending because of love, the love is there, is palpable, but everything else is missing.

“I love you” Someone whispers, and at the moment it doesn't matters who said it because they both feel it.

(See? Suga was so scared of the “I love you’s” for this exact reason)

They don’t say goodbye, Suga’s too weak to say goodbye and Daichi has always hated the word.

A train comes, and Suga knows that’s Daichi’s train, so when Daichi stands up to leave, Suga doesn’t move.

When the doors close and the train starts to move, he realizes he’s been crying the whole time.

 

* * *

 

Suga was 15 years old when he met the love of this life 

Suga was 20 years old when he was sworn eternal love

Suga was 25 years old when he understood that sometimes you don’t marry the love of your life


End file.
